The Light Warrior

I can barely see it, I thought to myself. The darkness took over and the light was no longer there. It was like a void in the air. I wasn’t afraid as a matter of fact the darkness became my friend. It had no words but it made me feel seen.

I decided to fall back asleep so that I can see my family again. When I opened my eyes the light was on and I began to feel unseen. So, I cried. My mom came with her bright beautiful smile and snuggled me right up out of the crib.

She started to sing a song about sunshine and beauty. She was the opposite of me she hated the void. Somehow she still loved me and I loved her. Sometimes we would just smile at each other and know.

As I grew, I became the most happiest in the night. She would argue with me and my dad would tell her to let me be. I didn’t talk much. My sisters talked the most. My brother was somewhere in the middle. They had full faces but somehow were still delightful in every word they spoke.

My dad was a night worker. He would go out of the house at night and leave us all alone. I felt safe being alone in the dark it was like my friend. As I got older, the more I felt unseen in the light the more I wanted to hide away in the dark.

When I turned 14, I had to go to a school I didn’t want to go too. I understood no one and the darkness began to fall away from me because I had to learn to love being in the light of days. I decided for once to see myself and I didn’t like what I saw. I looked way different than my siblings. I didn’t find myself beautiful at all.

So. I did what I could to dull myself. One day, I was walking home and a boy stopped to talk to me. He said he wanted to be my friend so I said okay. I didn’t have a lot to say. He did. “You’re not like most girls” he said. The hate inside of me began to full with anger. I got worse. Eventually the dark also became intensely shallow.

The light and the dark were against me, I would think. As I would reach home, I found my dad sitting on the recliner in tears. I never have seen him cry. He told me he was lost and wanted to go home. Days later, he became very ill. Passing away in a blink of an eye.

The family was devestated and my night terrors got worse. I saw demons that weren’t even mine. I didn’t know the dark made demons, but I heard about them in a church when I was ten.

I became so scared of them, I couldn’t sleep anymore. So, I would succumb to the light and she became my new new friend. She was loud and lively. That’s who I became when I turned 24 years old. It exhausted me, to a point where I wouldn’t want to live and I never understood why. But, I kept on trying to live in the light to avoid the night terrors.

Until one day, a boy came along. He saw angels he told me. I wanted to see them too. He said they only come at night because they are bright. So, I asked him how he got so lucky and he said he needed the help and asked for it. “How did you ask?” I said. I asked the darkness. I talked to it.

So, one night I did. I decided to be brave and ask to see an angel so I can feel more at ease. An angel appeared but he was terrifyingly big. I don’t know why but it scared me. I told the boy who became my best friend. He said don’t be scared they are there to help you. So, I asked the angel who am I?

An angel of darkness it replied and that is when I began to find myself again.