Three Words Burned

Welcome to the sex…

The note was unclear. But I went through the doors anyway.

To a purple room.

The air felt wrong. Like it was cut off before it reached my mouth.

Beyond darkened. Beyond perception.

I tried to gasp.

Tried to shake it.

Tried to pull free.

But. No.

Panic took me prisoner.

Panic that wrapped me tighter than chains.

Panic that folded around my lungs. My chest. My skull.

Something forced me down as I struggled to understand where I…

Where I ended and the darkness began.

Hours passed. Hours stretched. Hours pressed into my ribs.

Time dissolved.

Dissolved.

Dissolved.

"Do you feel that?"

Her hand caressed the back of mine.

Back. In her arms. Our bed.

Our bed, though blurred.

Her scent intoxicated me—warm flesh, sweat, sweet. Sex. Too much.

Too much and never enough.

"Do you feel that?"

Her voice sharpened.

Sharpened like a knife I could not dodge.

Mine faltered.

"I… Angel…"

My throat locked. The words I could not release.

The words I swallowed.

Again.

Again.

Again.

My chest strained around my heart.

Aware of how thin my ribcage was.

Breakable. Fragile. Too fragile for what I felt.

Her fragrant body pressed me into nothing.

Into nothing. Into blackness. Into silence.

The purple lights dimmed to blsvkness.

Then…

A feminine quiver. Quiet. But. Clear.

Quiet. Clear. Persistent.

I didn’t know why.

My breathing accelerated.

Soundless exhalation.

Soundless inhalation.

Elation? Devastation?

Elation. Devastation.

Elation.

Devastation.

Three words burned.

I remembered them.

It was her fault.

Her fault. Her fault. Her fault.

As the echoes echoed.

Echoed in loops.

I remembered. The guilt. The blame. The blade that pierced my skin. As metal absorbed tainted sinners blood.

Quiver. Louder. Louder. Louder.

Her fault. Why? Why did she?

The black clothed my skin. Thick. Heavy.

Blackness that moved with me. Around me. Inside me.

I gasped. Soundless inhalation. No exhalation.

Exhaustion wrapped me. A cocoon.

Her breath on my neck. Teeth at my chin.

I reached to move her. But she was the blackness.

The blackness. The cocoon. The echo. The silence.

"I feel…"

Her words faltered.

Gladness fueled my smile, as dread fueled my skin scrapes.

She was my cocoon.

Three words. Sealed fate. Sealed. Fate.

As I wrestled—from within, not outward.

Consequences. Suffocation? Erosion?

Surrender? My heart tainted. I knew the cost. Did she?

Satisfaction. Satisfaction.

"All wombs are extracted at birth," I remembered.

Commitment devalued. Purposeless.

Prison awaited those who desired more than bedroom gymnastics.

Foolish she was. Struck by need. By desire.

Intoxication entrapped me. My own entrapment.

Her locked embrace. Nails traced my spine.

Sirens sounded. Sirens outside. Sirens inside.

Her breath engulfed me. Cradled me.

Perhaps it was a dream. Perhaps. Perhaps.

Quiver. Louder. Louder. Louder.

Blackness surrounded me.

Echoes reverberated. Echoes bounced. Echoes multiplied.

Internal chaos. The sirens blared.

It was good. Tight. Intense.

Until she muddied it. Complicated it.

We were fresh. Picked grapes. No wrath. Lust from the harvest.

But sanctuary and iniquity no longer cohabited when…

,

The purple lights brightened.

The quiver intensified.

Quiver inside. Quiver outside. Quiver remembered.

I gulped. Saliva clogged my throat. Her saliva. Mine. A combination.

Strange. From within. Not external.

Breathing hesitation.

Bleeding, reprehension.

We were separated. It was necessary.

Though her screams lived on. Even now.

Perforating my brain. Trembling in the corner.

Criminal. An enemy. Fur lust? Conquest? Congress?

Frustration, my damnation.

Frustration.

Frustration.

Frustration.

She was everything.

When nothing was all I could have hoped for. Should have hoped for.

Her execution brought stillness.

Tranquility painted by guilt and sodden sorrow.

But stillness. Stillness. Stillness.

Stillness that pressed on me. Stillness that wrapped me.

Left with memories—her sweat, her scent, her hands, my chest.

Three words undone.

Commitment.

Damnation.

Of. Us.

But stillness. Empty. Surrounded me.

As blackness welcomed me home.

Blackness.

Cocoon.

Silence.

Echo.

Her quivers echoed. Her fragrance elevated my everything.

Her viola solo—trill, dainty, poignant, paralysing.

Nothing sounded. But I felt everything.

Nothing. But everything. Nothing. But everything.

There was no purple. No bed.

Lonely without redemption.

For the trust of her hand. Her heart.

Cruel, the punishment. For shame. The denouncement. Criminals.

Consequences.

Silent.

Silent.

Silent.

Diptera, we had become. Buck and doe. Stag and hind.

How do you separate? Dreamer from dream. Knight from mare.

Tallies of man.

Release.

Relief.

Emptiness.

Emptiness.

Emptiness.

Emptiness.