Let's Talk About Friendship With Neighbours.

I live in Bournemouth, UK, in a suburb that does not always get a good name.

I live in West Howe.

West Howe has a history of anti-social behaviour in different forms.

However, I must highlight the fact that you're going to find anti-social behaviour, even in the best of places to live.

This might paint a negative picture of West Howe for some, but there are some very surprising things about living here that people do not give it the credit it deserves.

Some nice people also live here,

Some of the neighbours are kind and helpful,

People like to talk to others

It can be noisy, and sometimes you come across people who have been drinking and doing drugs or committing crimes.

However, you also come across good-hearted people and families who are just trying to live their lives.

Let us now talk about complaints about neighbours.

I was brought up to believe that when you have decent, kind, and friendly neighbours, then you should treat them in the same way that you would like to be treated yourself.

I can understand people complaining about neighbours whose behaviour can be aggressive, violent, and intimidating, and I can understand complaints about neighbours who are too loud or harassing a person.

However, some people make complaints with no rational reason for them.

I have neighbours who live on both sides of me who are the most supportive and caring neighbours one could wish for.

I see this as something to treasure, because before moving to West Howe, I was faced with violence and trauma in ways that you could only imagine going through in the places I lived before this.

One set of my neighbours likes to eat out, and sometimes they have outdoor parties just like most people in my area.

They are not deliberately annoying, and if things get too loud, I only have to ask them politely to keep it down, and they will do that with no problems.

I fully understand that this might not be the case for some people. I once lived next door to neighbours who had no respect for me, despite being polite to them.

These are the neighbours who should be complained about, especially if they are rude, aggressive or violent toward you. These types of neighbours are the ones who have no regard or respect for anyone.

However, my neighbours are different because they do respect people, and they understand when their noise or behaviour is affecting others.

They are also the only neighbours who have ever offered me any support when I have needed help, particularly as I am a carer and someone with my own difficulties.

Sometimes my neighbours can be a little noisy, but not all of the time, and not in any way that affects other people to the point of distress. They have parties and barbecues in the garden, and they have children.

However, they always try to keep their noise to a minimum level, and if it is too loud or distressing for you, then you only have to ask politely, and they will apologise and turn it down.

I have never once had any issues to complain about with these neighbours.

Reasonable Noise?

When it comes to complaining about noise, I think it is important to determine whether the complaint is rational or not.

Families have to live, and life is not always quiet.

Of course, if the noise is blaringly loud, or the people are behaving in anti-social ways, or even being generally abusive and causing a riot, then that would be a reasonable thing to complain about.

However, if the neighbours have warned you about the noise beforehand, and you have discussed boundaries with them, and they respect those boundaries, then complaining is irrational.

Think about the context and see the bigger picture before complaining. There is no need to complain constantly, especially without a reason.

Complaining out of spite just because you don't like a person is not an adult thing to do.

Messy Neighbours?

Most people assume that when they see somebody's garden a mess, that its because that person can not be bothered to tidy it up.

They make generalised assumptions, then complain without asking their neighbours about the bigger picture, or without thinking about asking them if they need any help.

There are messy gardens that deserve reporting, in cases where people have been told about it, and can't be bothered doing anything about it.

However, there are also neighbours like myself and a set of my neighbours who may be struggling for a variety of reasons.

Both I and my husband have been struggling with our messy garden, because my husband had to give up driving due to disabilities, and I don't drive because of my own problems.

However, the bigger picture is that we are waiting on a company to discuss helping us to clear our garden because the council in our area can't help us remove some of this junk.

• We are also waiting on a disability service to help us get rid of it, because since my husband left work, money has been very tight.
• Also, one of our neighbours has offered to help us clear some of the junk when they have time.

One of my neighbours is also desperately trying to sort her junk out, after a previous homeowner left his goods when he moved.

I do not see this as a reasonable thing to complain about, since the junk is not her fault, and the neighbour is trying to do something about it.

I also think it is unreasonable to expect homeowners to buy a house, then have to clear the junk that the previous owner has left behind.

Conclusion.

I am not saying people should stay quiet.

If you have tried every way to try and resolve these issues, including discussing it politely with your neighbours, and they are not willing to deal with it, or behave in unreasonable ways towards you, then please go ahead and report them.

However, try to consider the bigger picture, and if your neighbours need a little help and support, then offer it first if you can, and if they are being reasonable about it.

When it comes to noise.

Talk to your neighbours first, if you can. There may be reasons for it, and ask them to turn it down if it is safe to do so. You may also help a neighbour out of an abusive situation that might have been hidden if you didn't ask.

Remember, not all noise is unreasonable. If you can't talk to them or they are violent or aggressive, then you should report them.

It pays not to overjudge and to be kind in a world that is already difficult.