Nervous about Dating over 50?

A Reddit poster admitted she was nervous about dating over 50 and wondered what she should look out for. Comments were supportive, offering plenty of advice including, “Don’t lie about your age to get past age filters.”

I didn’t even know that was a thing. I figured people would want to show potential dates who they really are to avoid any misconceptions.

Honestly, I admire anyone who has the courage to date after 50. I had a hard enough time in my 20’s, and would never attempt it again. Even if my husband of more than 30 years left me tomorrow, I still would not date.

So, how do middle age and seniors gain the confidence to “get out there?”

Reframe Age as a Prized Asset Not a Limitation

Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein says it’s important to be open and vulnerable to new connections even if it means stepping outside your comfort zone.

He adds that patience is especially important when seeking a romantic connection over 50. He maintains that he was able to do it and so were many of his counseling clients.

This Reddit poster agrees that patience is very important, “I’m 50f was married 20 years, divorced 5 years. Been dating lots of men 50yo+! There are heaps of amazing men out there, just takes a while to find the good ones.”

One Redditor confided that she was initially unsure about dating over 50, because of the baggage that a lot of people carry, i.e. kids, grandkids and ex-spouses. But she says it is freeing because people are over the tumultous 30’s and 40’s and know what they are searching for.

Red Flags to Look For

This Psychology Today article points to three indications that someone is not who you think they are, and definitely not “soulmate material.”

1. They lie about their age or economic status.

2. Can’t stop talking about themselves.

3. Doesn't show any curiosity about who you are (doesn’t seem to want to learn anything about you.)

I remember in my 20’s, a few of my friends were only interested in the “bad” boys, the ones who played hard to get and appeared very mysterious. We later learned there really was no mystery. These types were cheaters and philanderers. Sure, they were fun to date, but try to rely on them for anything, and poof, gone!

Do those types really change in their 50’s and 60’s? Probably not. That’s why it is important to keep your guard up, be careful, and don’t let a smooth talker worm his/her way into your life.

Never Hesitate to Pull the Plug on a Bad Relationship

And that goes for dating at any age. I hear too many stories about people who didn’t heed the red flags and got married anyway, because they had invested so much time into the relationship.

Don’t be afraid to break up with someone, even if you simply have a bad feeling, and no concrete evidence that something is wrong. If you know, you know.

Also, getting married later in life causes more money headaches as well. Especially if you are well off financially.

Savor Your Independence

You remember the old saying, “Love happens when you least expect it.” I believe it is true, because that is when you truly embrace your independence and don’t feel the need for a man or woman to “complete” you.

Think about reconnecting with friends and enjoying single life. The only way to find happiness with someone else is to find it within yourself first. If you can’t make yourself happy, no one else will be able to either.