Yeah, I Ate Your Porridge, but it Wasn't My Fault!

Look, I already said I was sorry, but if it'll make you feel any better, I guess I'll say it again.

I'm sorry for eating your porridge.

I didn't know it meant that much to you. Look, I wanted to eat your dad's, but it burnt the roof of my mouth. Which totally sucked, because when I tried eating your mom's porridge, I could barely taste a thing.

Actually, come to think of it, this is all your mom's fault for making your porridge so delicious in the first place.

Okay, okay. No, you're right. I'm sorry. As you said, I should have had more self-control.

But dang, your mom can really cook.

And since you insist, and because I'm a really nice person, I guess I'll say sorry for breaking your chair, too. But really, that one is on the craftman, don't you think?

No?

Well, I was going to sit in your dad's chair, but I guess he's got a bad back or something? It was as hard as a rock. Literally the worst chair I've ever sat in. And your mother's chair was even worse! It took me ages to escape from all those flowery cushions.

So by the time I got to your chair, I was rather exhausted. And okay, maybe I sat down too fast, but c'mon, it's a chair for crying out loud! Really, you should be asking the craftsman for an apology and a new recliner while you're at it.

No?

Huh. Well, you know I'm sorry for it, anyway, so I don't get why you're growling like that. Seriously, put your claws away, you're starting to freak me out.

Your bed? What about the beds? I just ruffled up the sheets, is all. C'mon that's not even all that bad.

Ugh, fine okay! I'm sorry for peeing in your bed. But that wasn't my fault! You scared me! I mean, seriously, I'm just a little girl, all innocent and junk, and you're a freaking bear! Have you ever been woken up by a beast with fangs like that and not peed your pants?

And I didn't even ruin your parents' beds, which, honestly, your parents have questionable tastes in comfort. Also, why do they sleep separately? Are they getting a divorce or something? Is that why you're taking all your anger out on me?

Okay! Okay! Jeez, I'm sorry for mentioning it! Put those fangs away!

You know, considering your parents' bad taste, you're the only one with any sense. And I mean that, I'm not even trying to butter you up or anything.

Your stuff was all the best, the most comfortable. Me and you could be good friends, considering we're both so sensible.

No? What do you mean no?

Is it because I'm not a bear? C'mon, that's pretty messed up. I've been really nice to you, even apologizing on behalf of your mother's cooking and the craftsman's inadequate furniture.

You know, I think you owe me an apology now.

Okay, okay. Sorry. Jeez, you bears don't have a sense of hospitality, do you? I mean, if you came to my house, I'd feed you and let you sleep in my bed.

What do you mean, I destroyed your house?!

That's really unfair. I'm not personally responsible for the deforestation going on right now, you know. Blame the government or whatever.

Oh, you mean the fire I personally started?

Well, that wasn't technically my fault either. But I guess, since I'm in such a giving mood, I'll say sorry for that, too.

I'm sorry I burned your house down after you scared me in an attempt to escape. But c'mon! You're a bear, and your parents are even bigger bears! I knew you'd hunt me down like this, so naturally I was just trying to cover my tracks!

I think you're being really insensitive about my situation as an innocent little girl.

No?

Ugh, fine. Then I'm really, very, so sincerely sorry, I guess. C'mon, put those fangs away!