I try to choose my words carefully
because I want you to understand me
to know exactly what I mean.
Yet so often you react
like everything I say is nonsense.
I want clarity,
certainty,
precision,
never confusion,
but there are so many phrases
and often
I select the wrong one,
especially when I try to explain my hurt,
when I try to tell you what you did
that made me cry,
and why.
You only hear the blame, the accusations,
and not that I want us to fix what happened.
I don’t know the word
that means
you were wrong
and I still want us to be okay.
And when I say I love you
what I am trying to say is
I know you are imperfect
because I am too,
but I am not quitting on us.
But the words I choose
never sound quite right.
Like when I say
“I love you, warts and all”
but your body is free of warts
so that’s untrue.
Or if I declare
“you are my person”
knowing full well
you are your own person.
So I look through the dictionary
searching for the perfect word.
I have not found it yet.
Maybe it doesn’t exist.
Maybe I need to invent it,
create one,
say something new.
Or maybe,
I just need to be quiet,
stop disrupting the silence.
Maybe I just need to shut up
About the Creator
Tina D. Lopez
A woman who writes to deal with hurt, mistakes--mine and others, and messy emotions. Telling my truth, from the heart, with no sugarcoating.
My book Love Ain’t No Friend of Mine is available on Amazon. https://a.co/d/6JYBmLH
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More stories from Tina D. Lopez and writers in Poets and other communities.
December 8, 1980
When I was six or seven, my stepdad came into my life, and I remember thinking he knew everything. He could befriend anybody, anywhere. In grocery stores, he chatted with strangers over cuts of meat; at gas stations, he bonded with people pumping fuel over how the smell of gasoline was disgusting and yet enjoyable. In restaurants, he took an interest in waiters’ lives—like Steve, whose father was dying of cancer. When Steve’s dad died, my new dad attended the funeral.
By Tina D. LopezExclusive • 2 months ago
Comments (2)
This is so emotionally honest. I admire your ability to leave nothing out. Wonderful writing, Tina!
I love this, but I think the last line undercuts in a self-deprecating way. If that’s the intent, it lands like you intended, but I say cut it and keep speaking your truth. Really fantastic with the dictionary and nonexistent word. I say invent all the words you need. 💖