Satire
Always wanted to say
Always wanted to say to you, you should wake up! Don't you know what you look like now? Do I have to tell you? When I was little, I remember very clearly that you were gentle, strong, handsome and the perfect size and love of a dad. I am also proud to have your father, my classmates are also very envious of me. I remember one time, our whole family went outing together -- "Little ice... ... Xiaoice.... "And dad don't play too crazy -" I happily answered my mother:" I know, don't worry... .." Dad took my hand and ran to the stream. I asked my father excitedly, "Dad, what are we doing here? "Catch fish, won't you, daddy will teach you, hee..." My father answered my questions while he was busy. Dad broke a slingshot like branch from the tree and wrapped it with cloth from where... The word is catch fish, but catch catch, turned into us splashing water on each other. Dad is very strong, the water poured out a wave after a wave, and more and more fierce, I can not catch, became a solid drowned, I had to admit that he lost. The sun shines on you like an angel who has fallen to earth... But... Why have you changed now? Really changed. You drink, gamble, drive after drinking... Total evil shape in a body, my mother has not know how many times to advise you, you do not listen, but also from time to time to beat and scold my mother, my mother's body wounds have been countless... Today, I heard the news that you did not return all night, and my mother cried again. Don't you know you have family waiting for you? Do you not know that there are relatives who are sleepless for you? Do you not know that there are relatives in your sad tears? ... Why have you become like this - a bloodthirsty demon with bad sex in one! You should wake up, don't make friends with wine, the angels come back, okay?The head of the dragonfly is round, with two large, round, black and bright eyes, very beautiful, the chest has two pairs of wings, the wings are transparent light yellow, today, I looked out of the living room window, found that there are many dragonflies outside, there are several stopped in front of me on the wire. Long so big, I have never carefully looked at the dragonfly, the original dragonfly is so beautiful! Its body section by section, like bamboo round, very beautiful. My mother told me that dragonflies are arthropods with three parts: head, chest and abdomen. So I carefully observed a dragonfly: the head of the dragonfly is round, with two large, round, black and bright eyes, very beautiful, the chest has two pairs of wings, the wings are transparent light yellow, the upper pair is from narrow to wide longer, the following pair is from wide to narrow shorter; On the chest grew three pairs of feet, thin and segmented; Its abdomen is slender, orange on the back, black on the abdomen, you see, it is like a small plane, is standing on the wire with the thin feet! Looking at the dragonflies flying or sitting on the wires, I was fascinated. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, they flew away in droves.Windows, what a common thing. Some people, they just use it to breathe. Who has ever seriously thought about the wonder of it? A small window, when you look far away, may be a vast expanse of white, may be high-rise buildings, may be a colorful garden, may be green grass, may be the ocean, may be a rural home, may be a group of pigeons flying to the blue sky, may be a rainbow shining on the horizon after a heavy rain. A small window, when you look into the entrance, may be the opposite residential building, may be the stream, may be the shade of trees, may be an old and slightly charming wooden bridge, may be playing children, may be chatting with the elderly, may be greeting you neighbors, may be people coming and going on the street. A small window, can see the true and false, can see good and evil, can see beauty and ugliness. I often sit by the window, looking at the outside world, some people say that I am a frog at the bottom of a well, looking at the sky, but I think that from which window is not the size of the well head, I can see a different world!
By michael marsh3 years ago in Humor
ROOMMATE DU JOUR
TITLE: ROOMMATE DU JOUR GENRE: COMEDY PREMISE: A 20-something makes a deal with a mysterious stranger who is willing to pay his entire rent each month if he'll accept whatever roommate his benefactor chooses for him, as often as it occurs, and for as short or long a duration as it is.
By Gerard DiLeo3 years ago in Humor
Satan, Sick of Summons . Top Story - June 2023. Content Warning.
Satan started off as a great warrior for anarchy and free will, a genuine rebel without a cause. He hadn’t intended to be evil, he just didn’t like living by the rules. After being banished to hell, god sends books to earth explaining how to summon Satan, just to annoy him. Every time someone uses one of these books and does a summoning spell, they always ask Satan to do a really monotonous and sometimes evil favor, and after thousands of years, Satan is annoyed. He actually earned his deal making reputation by trying to make deals to get out of doing favors.
By Alex H Mittelman 3 years ago in Humor
The Humorous Side of Being a Responsible Adult
Alright, alright, alright! Sit back, grab your preferred beverage - whether it's coffee, tea, or, like me, a healthy mix of energy drinks and existential dread - and let's dive into the rollercoaster ride that is responsible adulthood. It's like being on the most exhilarating amusement park ride, except the safety bar is your health insurance, the loops are unexpected bills, and the photo taken right when you're most terrified is your face every time you check your bank balance. Yeah, fun, isn't it?
By Nathan Chen3 years ago in Humor
Why I'm Convinced My Printer is Possessed
The moment I swiped my card at the electronic store, I was living my best life. After years of lugging my laptop to the public library and tolerating their prehistoric printing facilities, I'd finally acquired my own printer. Little did I know, I was signing up for a comedic horror story featuring demonic circuits, possessed ink cartridges, and more paper jams than a bureaucrat's worst nightmare. Here's why I'm convinced my printer is possessed.
By Nathan Chen3 years ago in Humor
Dick Winchester in... Dick Winchester Episode 1: “Gratuity Not Included”
Book 1, Chapter 4 INTRO / A LONE SAXOPHONE MOANS A MOURNFUL NOTE NARRATOR A city street caught somewhere between the rock and a place too hard for even the hardest man. Yet, one hard man walks this dead-end street, his shoulders hunched forward beneath his leather jacket. In this town full of losers, a city of shut down strangers and hot rod angels, some want him dead. Even less want him alive. Those few that remain know that it will take more than death to see the last of... Dick Winchester.
By Stephen A. Roddewig3 years ago in Humor
Telephonic Adventures in Mental Health
(Recorded message): Hello. You are through to Farringdon House, the home of your local mental health crisis team - the people who care. Please listen to the following information and then select the appropriate option. If you are trying to contact your designated mental health professional, press ‘1’ and leave a message. We cannot stress this enough - You HAVE to leave a message. Yes - life would be easier if you could just speak directly to someone but there's a lot of strange people out there and we have to filter out the cranks. Not that you're a crank. You're probably a lovely person with a genuine mental ilness - Or maybe not. Perhaps you are a crank. A timewasting crank. In which case, we detest you. Using an imgainary mental illness as an excuse for your miserable life? You make us want to vomit - Hang on - Where was I? - Designated mental health professional - blah blah - press ‘1’ - leave a message - yadda yadda - there we are. That's it - Back on track. Due to the volume of messages currently being left using option '1', Doug on Reception is struggling to keep track of who’s trying to speak to whom (the front desk is an administrational Omaha Beach – Post-It notes strewn everywhere). Please be patient with him – it’s his first week. I’m sure he’ll pass your message on to the right person. Eventually. In the unlikely event that Doug did manage to pass your message onto the correct person, they may have called you back. If so, they probably missed you and left you a message. If you are responding to such a message — which itself was a response to your message — press ‘2’ and leave a message saying that you got a message about your message and — you know what? Let Doug sort that out. If you have called previously and left messages via the ‘1’ and ‘2’ buttons — i.e. you’ve left a message, someone’s then left a message for you, and you’ve then left a message about that message — press ‘3’ and leave a message — Actually, it’s best not to. No one listens to the messages left in pot 3. It’s a rabbit-hole we chose not to go down — nothing makes sense there. Messages about messages about messages — it’s like a Christopher Nolan movie. If you’re in distress and require advice or support, press ‘5’ — Sorry, press ‘4' - Or is it ‘6’? Or is is '#'? Tell you what – just press ‘1’ and leave a message. I’m sure Doug will figure it out. Whilst you’re here, I need to remind you that if you fail to speak to your designated mental health professional in person on a regular basis, you will be discharged from our care. If you have any questions about the information provided today, press ‘1’ and leave a message. Doug will sort out the rest. Thank you for calling Farringdon House and have a great day. And remember — you can always talk to us.
By Christopher Donovan3 years ago in Humor
